So your father told you once

That you were his princess

But you don’t see a castle and you cannot find your prince

Well, now you’ve grown a lot

Your dresses don’t fit right

Daddy’s not a hero

He stole your Chariot

Here you are in pieces

Trying to prove to us it’s real

The softness of your smile

And the lies you want to feel

But the scales beneath your skin

Are showing off today

There’s Evil in your heart

And it wants out to play

i don’t really know the significance of my posting this, but i enjoyed it and i wanted and excuse to give you the link to her brilliant blog. you’re welcome.

:: I am not going to put myself out there for guys anymore. Not in a physical way, but tying to be noticed and constantly trying to have a boyfriend.

I realized that is not what God has intended for me. He knows who I will love, and who will love me, that is if he has planned for me to love anybody.

I realize that God’s plan is so much bigger and sagacious than my plan for myself will ever be.

I will wait for him.

so awesome! since her blog is so dang brilliant, i suggest that you take a look and follow it here.

but, they get on my nerves sometimes.

i feel like this blog represents a journal for myself to vent out how i’m feeling or what’s on my mind. so here i go. (if you don’t want to read this because i’m just venting, then you don’t have to. it may not be enjoyable to you)

i feel like all my parents talk about is school. that’s it. nothing else. it’s the most annoying thing in the world. everything is just, school, school, school, assignments, test, quizzes, you name it. they get all over me. i know that they do it because the love me. but, i’m 16 (and a half). if my grades do slip a little bit from time to time, i think i can overall handle things on my own. i mean, i do need to prepare for college right? i’d just appreciate if i could enjoy having conversations with my parents rather than just talk about school work all the time. let me give you an example.

this weekend. – i have to do homework and study all weekend. isn’t the weekend meant from taking a break from all of this? i mean, i understand if i have weekend homework; i’d do that sunday evening and make sure i have enough time to finish it. but for the most part, i’m just studying. and apparently i have to “all day.” okay, so, when do i get to even see my friends? i’m praying i can tomorrow morning or something. at least. i think if i don’t see my friends enough and just focus on school and that’s it, i may go crazy.

i cannot wait until adulthood.

God, please show me what’s right. help me to see how to fix all of this; if i even can. i just want to enjoy high school (the school/learning portion of it) without this stress. maybe give me a little guidance? thanks God, i love you.

“to become more like Christ, or holy.”

my small group leader, jared, and i had a wonderful chance to meet at a local starbucks, and talk about my life. it was great to tell jared my story. during that talk, we discussed my faith, and my journey with God throughout my life. we talked about his life, and his purpose. he taught me a couple cool ways how to grow even more in my relationship with God, and he showed me how to really dig in to the word.

here’s the thing. when you’re reading your bible, and you feel like you have to just read to read it and read a lot; you’re wrong. even if you read a couple lines a day sometimes, that could be just as good. i realized that if you really focus on what the Lord is saying in just a few lines, then it’s possible to get a lot out of it. it’s crazy.

God’s word amazes me sometimes. scratch that. a lot. we have such an amazing God. as Christians, we need to evangelize to non Christians. we need to shine a light in our school, jobs, etc. we need to act as Jesus did. it’s hard for all of us, but, the more we do it, the easier it may get. as i’ve talked about here, i really want to show God’s love at my school. many of my friends know that i go to church, and i choose to make good choices. i feel like that’s the first step. the next step is to encourage someone to perhaps come to church with me, or even just talk about God with me. it doesn’t have to all happen very fast. in fact, it should take time. i’m willing to do that for my friends. i want them to love and know God more than anything.

thank you God for my life, my blessings, and the person reading this right now. (yes, that’s you)

you can watch more here.

as you can see, i haven’t blogged since a week ago. i really want to do this more, because it gives me a chance to stop and be quiet and think about what’s going on in my life.

future: because school is practically the main thing going on, college has been a recent topic. this scares me. i definitely want to go somewhere that prepares me for a career in ministry. i know that God is calling to work with students in some sort of way, but i just don’t know yet. hopefully either these last years of high school or even college can tell me and inspire me.

friends: i have a couple friends that are doing things that probably are not in their best interests. one is making a choice i wouldn’t even imagine he would make, and he is. i feel like i’m losing this guy as a friend. i try to invite him to church, but he just won’t come. once he sees who God is, i know his life will be changed. my other friend is making a decision that could be a little…what’s the word…inappropriate? i don’t know. i’m not in charge of anyone. i don’t run the world. i don’t know what to do. i’ve been praying and praying and i can’t find an answer yet. hopefully small group on wednesday can help me.

i’m not quite sure how to conclude this, but, i need God’s guidance. if you are in a situation like this, or anything where you feel like you need the lord to help you, pray. meditate on his word and listen for his voice. his voice may not be what you’re expecting to hear, but it may be something you’ll need to here.

• bible reading. – i’m going to be completely honest. my bible reading sucked in ’09. i really, really, really want to commit to reading at least once every day. the thing that i care about most in life is growing in my faith.
• praying. – it seems so simple, yet many of us, including me, forget about this. for quite some time now, i have been praying frequently, and it was awesome. i just want to talk more one on one with God more than i ever have before. i recently created a prayer list. it has the names of my family, my friends, my adult leaders and pastor, and things simple like water and air. i made this so i could commit myself to start really thinking about others more than me. i care so much for these people, so i want God to know by praying for them. it’s a really good idea if you are trying to figure out ways to pray and such.
• church going. – now, i’m not saying i don’t go to church enough or anything like that, because i do. but, i always seem to go to the one service that everyone goes too. all of my friends go. i think it’s more of a trend now for high schoolers to go to this service. i think we go to this service, mainly because we want to see our friends and be with them. which isn’t necessarily wrong, but, i think some of us (including me) need to set our priorities straight. i want to try to commit to going to one of the other 3 services every once in a while. i’ve noticed that when i go to these, i tend to focus way better on what i should be focusing on – GOD. i mean, that’s why i’m at church.
• reaching out to others at school. – this is the biggest and most challenging for me. i really want and need to reach out to kids at my school. even though i attend a private christian school, there are more non-believers than you could imagine. either that, or they simply don’t care about their faith, church, and God. i tried this past year to bring two of my good friends to church, and they came. one, who is already on fire for god (so he doesn’t really count), and the other who is catholic and doesn’t care for his faith too much. i want to continue bringing him to church, and helping him see how awesome God is and why he should devote his life to Him. i need to just shine a light at my school; show everyone that i live for God, and that by doing so, my life is amazing. this will be hard, but i just need to pray for the strength and courage to do so.

all right, i’ve typed enough. have a nice day/evening. pray, pray, pray!

well, as said in the blog header above, this is my third attempt at blogging. my first blog went for probably two years, and the second one went for maybe two months. i’m starting this blog on new years day, 2010, because i want this to be one of my many new years resolutions. i’m going to try to blog everyday, or almost everyday. (whenever i have the spare time haha) i’m not going to always use this blog just to simply tell you what happened in my day, because frankly, you probably don’t care. i’m going to write about my faith, my thoughts, and my questions for God and myself. because of my love for music, there will most likely be posts on poetry, lyrics, or ideas for songs for my band. and no, not Eisner. haha. me and my buddy Grant are working on a new band project. you’ll read and hear about it hopefully pretty soon.

anywho, i’m stoked about this whole blogging thing. i hope i know what i’m doing, and i hope i make this an enjoyable read for you.

in my next post, i’ll go through my new year’s revolutions. enjoy.